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Slow Sex: Benefits, Tips & How To Do It- Expert Advice

There is no one way to have sex with your partner. Sex is what you make of it and it can be excellent and fulfilling for everyone involved. Today, let’s talk about slow sex- its benefits for sexual partners, its types and what you should be looking for in between the sheets!

7 min read
Slow Sex: Benefits, Tips & How To Do It- Expert Advice

There is no one way to have sex with your partner. Sex is what you make of it and it can be excellent and fulfilling for everyone involved. Today, let’s talk about slow sex- its benefits for sexual partners, its types and what you should be looking for in between the sheets!

What is Slow Sex?

Slow sex is when sex is not planned or carried out even when you or your partner are not in the mood. Slow sex is the act of letting sex happen when the time is right. It gets the word ‘slow’ because this also describes the pace of sex. Once you have the ability to let go a little, the situation that you may find yourself in can be pleasantly surprising and sensational!

Also read: Signs of bisexuality among females

How to Have Slow Sex?

Slowing things down when it comes to sex is not a negative trait. In fact, slow sex can result in multiple female orgasms. What do you need to perform slow sex? Just the muscle memory, your partner’s consent and the mental state that allows you to pace yourself during sexual acts.

Of course, there will be a shift in sexual behaviour as compared to the pace of sex you are used to having. As a result, your body may get confused. Hence, here are a few slow sex tips to avoid this situation:

Prolonged Foreplay

Penetration during sex is one of its final stages. There is so much more to having sex that your partner inserting his penis in your vagina. Rushing to penetrative sex can shorten this splendid experience, making you feel like it was over before it began.

There are numerous ways to prolong and extend foreplay. Slow down before the act of penetration and enjoy the present moment. A great way to do this is by giving your partner a penile massage or telling them to perform a yoni massage on you. This practice will increase sensual pleasure and stimulation.

Focus on Fantasising

Trust us when we say that your brain is the best sex organ you have. Even among men, it can delay orgasm and treat problems of premature ejaculation that stem mentally. Do not be afraid to play out a sexual fantasy with your partner that reflects your desires. Remember, your sexual experience matters much more than your sexual performance.

Titillate your Senses

Sex with your partner is not just about the two of you achieving orgasm. While orgasm may be the end goal, any sexual activity is a process. Go through it with the help of your senses. Be perceptive of your partner’s wants, needs, tastes and preferences in bed to make him come back for more.  Foreplay involves making use of all your senses to make it pleasurable for both partners. Pay attention to your partner's wants and likes, and ensure that both of you are engaged in the act.

Your senses can include, touch, sound, smell, taste and visual cues. Another great way to set the mood is by using essential oils and playing music that is appropriate for the occasion.

Benefits of Slow Sex: Why Should You Try Slow Sex

While there has always been a fondness for liking sex rough, slow sex is something that barely seems to catch an eye. So, do women like fast or slow sex?

Carol Queen, an American author, editor, sociologist, and sexologist, may help you find an answer to this: “Slower sex and a longer buildup can result in stronger orgasms for many people (a simple comparison is that you're building up a ‘charge’ in your body that releases with a climax, and a longer charge can elicit a stronger response).”

However, having a slow sexual experience with your loved one can give you so much more than just a feeling of satisfaction. Here are a few benefits of having slow sex that you must have never come across:

  • Experience a stronger connection with eye contact.
  • Tantalising each other with soft-touch can make things more exciting.
  • Sex lasts longer.
  • More potential for orgasms.
  • It takes the pressure off of orgasm too
  • It gives freedom for performing more sexual activities.
  • Slow sex processes like Tantric Sex makes the process more enjoyable.

Slow Sex PRO Tips

If you have never has slow sex before or are just starting out, here are a few tips for your initiation:

1. Do Reps

According to sex therapist Barbara Keesling, PhD, the stronger the muscles that govern your orgasm are, the longer you'll endure during sex. Contract and release the muscles used to urinate for two seconds to strengthen them. Rep 20-60 times per day.

2. Make Eye Contact

Here is a slow sex tip that can take the experience to the next level—eye contact. Making eye contact is a sign of love and understanding. Take a few moments to lock your gaze and maintain eye contact for a more intense connection. Not only will this help you have slow sex, but it will also allow you to connect more deeply with your partner.

3. Take Deep Breaths While Having Sex

When you're on the verge of ejaculating, you should calm your breathing down. Avoid climaxing before you're ready by paying attention to how rapidly you inhale and exhale.

4. Alternate Strokes

Men have two G-spots, one near the prostate and one on top of the penis, right below the head, whereas women only have one. That's why switching between long and short strokes can help last longer, get extra stimulation, and make it exciting for your partner too.

5. Experiment with Scents

The limbic brain, which is linked to memory, libido, and emotion, is stimulated by scents. The limbic system appears to be in charge of our emotional lives and plays an important role in memory formation. Slowing down and focusing on odours before and after sex can help to increase desire and make the encounter more memorable for you and your partner.

6. Play Hard to Get

Another way how to have slow sex is by making your partner wait for their climax. The practice of edging, sometimes known as orgasm training, extends the period between foreplay and orgasm, resulting in a more intense experience for you and your partner.

7. Experiment with Lube

Experiment with different ways to utilise lubricant by putting it in natural curves like the neck, lower back, hips, and inner thighs. This will extend and enhance the duration of sex.

8. Kiss More

Kissing lowers blood pressure, burns calories, and raises the "feel-good" neurotransmitters, serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin levels. Spend more time kissing and making out. Find creative ways to improve your kisses, such as applying lip balms and oils on your lips and body.

9. Sensations

Being present in the moment is crucial. Positioning yourself close to your partner, feeling their breath on yours and opening up your body to their touch is extremely necessary. You can also choose to close your eyes and let other parts of your body that your hands, legs and tongue lead the way. Feel the sensations deeply and enjoy the sexual experience rather than hurriedly moving towards a climax.

10. Connections

There are myriad avenues through which you can connect with your partner, rather than just touching them during sex. Body language and steamy eye contact can also make for a strong connection. Looking at each other deeply and having a conversation with your eyes can be a great form of intimacy. You can touch your own body while you are at it, to rile your partner up. Then, escalate this eye contact till you both cannot resist any more and begin to indulge in sex while maintaining to look at each other all throughout.

11. Erogenous zones

There are plenty of erogenous zones on the body. That goes for both you and your partner. However, every individual’s erogenous zones vary. In the time that you and your partner are indulging in foreplay or quality time together, find the areas that make their body tick and let them do the same for you. Stimulate these erogenous zones before beginning to have full-fledged sex and make sure that things heat up. Some common male erogenous zones could include the area between the thighs, ankles, hands, and the neck region. Start slow and then build up the sexual tension. This practice helps build positive anticipation and prepares both your bodies for get sex.

Is Slow Sex Better?

The rate or pace of sex is not interlinked to the amount of sexual satisfaction partners experience while performing it. The types of sex people indulge in is a personal choice and highly subjective. Some sex partners also prefer a combination of fast paced sex and slow sex. Moreover, how much one enjoys sex depends upon a number of variables such as level of arousal or excitement, your partner's tastes and preferences and the overall mood.

Also read: Best sex positions for a female orgasm

Do Women like Fast or Slow Sex?

Studies have shown that women would enjoy fast sex to increase the pace most of the time. But the pace doesn’t matter, and there is no black and white answer to if slow sex is better or fast. It depends on one’s choice.

All that matters is building a connection with your partner and enjoying the experience. Be present in the moment and have fun.

Can Hymen Break After Slow Sex?

Scientifically speaking, a hymen can rupture in women who are sexually active or inactive. It can be broken in a virgin and can stay intact in a woman who has had multiple sexual encounters. Hence, it may or may not break after slow sex.

Is Slow Sex Enjoyable?

The answer to ‘is slow sex better and enjoyable?” is quite subjective, however for the majority, slow sex is enjoyable. It allows you to have passionate sex with your partner and connect with them on a deeper level. It also makes room for interesting sexual activities during sex, thus making it more fun and enjoyable.

Summing Up Slow Sex for You

This is not a competition to prove that slow sex is better than racy sex. It is just a matter of preference. However, most importantly, sexual pace matters but communicating regarding sexual pace matters much more. If it doesn’t go well the first time round, you can always try again. Keep that in mind for a fulfilling sex life!


Petra Zebroff - The Pace of Sex: Individual preferences for the frequency of Faster vs. Slower sexual behavior (Society For The Psychology of Women) https://artofconnection.org/the-pace-of-sex/

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