Love is a beautiful emotion, be it romantic or platonic. Yet, it is also a complicated emotion that requires understanding. When love is healthy, you feel safe, secure, and happy. There is certain contentment you enjoy with your partner. However, when that love is toxic or fades away, it can cause distress, pain, and conflict. There are multiple reasons to want to stop loving someone:
- You do not love them anymore
- They do not share the same feelings as you
- They are not good for you
- Distance
Whatever the reason, it can be painful to get over someone you love. You may be wondering, can you ever stop loving someone? The answer is yes. It might be difficult, but it is possible to move on and get over someone.
We will take you through various tips that might help you move on from your heartbreak. Keep reading for our tips on how to unlove someone.
What Makes It So Difficult to Stop Loving Someone?
When you are in love with someone, everything they do may seem endearing and worth love. You might feel content eating with them, holding them while they fall asleep, watching them work, etc. These actions make you feel more connected to your partner. At times like this, you can feel overwhelmed with emotions. All the love songs will finally make sense. It is not easy to let go of this feeling. Loving someone makes your body experience many changes, such as producing compounds like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. These are the chemicals responsible for inducing feelings of happiness, pleasure, reward, etc. This feeling can also border addiction, like when you eat too much sugar and keep wanting more.
So, when circumstances change and you can no longer cocoon yourself in such feelings, it can be hard. You may feel fear too. Will I find someone else? How do I live as a single person? What will others think about my relationship? These types of questions influence our approach to our relationships. While love may seem to be an all-consuming emotion, we must find a healthy relationship between love and loss. You may initially wonder, can you ever stop loving someone? These tips on how to unlove someone might be useful!
How Do You Stop Loving Someone?
Whether it was a one-sided love or a long-term relationship, overcoming such a loss is not easy. No matter the situation, love is a nuanced emotion. It is okay for you to take the time to figure it out. It is not easy to turn off your emotions. So, you will need to put in a little personal work to get over the person. Here is how to unlove someone:
1. Accept Things for What They Are
It’s good to be optimistic. Sometimes, it is a mark of strength to have hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. But when it comes to relationships, sometimes we need to see things for what they are and accept the situation. You must come to terms with your present instead of what the future was supposed to look like. Love isn’t about a few good moments interspersed with a ton of toxic ones. Both of you should feel content with or without each other. Giving up on a relationship is not a sign of failure. It merely means you respect your boundaries and know this is not what you want. It takes great courage and self-awareness to recognize red flags. So, taking a new step forward will be great for your self-growth. This might not make your feelings disappear overnight, but it is still a step forward.
2. Identify Relationship Needs and Deal Breakers
Begin to know yourself better. Understanding yourself can help you identify your needs in a future relationship. If you know what you want (or don’t want), it will be easier for you to define a relationship. You should also have a mutual understanding with your partner. What is your communication style? How much space do you want from each other? What are your likes and dislikes? Good communication is key to a successful relationship. If you recognize whether or not someone meets your needs, you will find it easier to accept your emotions and move on from them.
3. Accept What Love Meant to You
Breaking up with someone does not have to mean what you shared wasn’t real. You can still look back at it and find moments of joy and happiness. Our relationships are all learning experiences. Each one helps us in our personal growth. Learning from our past relationships will help us improve our future ones. While it might be challenging to let go of all the memories, you can treat it as an opportunity to acknowledge all the good things about the relationship and the lessons you learned from it. Allow yourself to feel those emotions and for them to find a space in your heart. Denying or suppressing your emotions will only make it harder to move on. It might even haunt you in your future relationships. A big step in moving forward is tackling your emotions and honouring past experiences.
4. Look to the Future
Staying stuck in the past may prevent you from looking into the future. If you keep going back to your past or compare everyone you meet with your ex, you might find it very difficult to find happiness. When you feel ready enough, consider casually dating. You can download a dating app or ask friends to set you up. If you are not ready to get back in the scene, you can even stay single and work on yourself. But things will become easier, and you will find a new partner only once you have moved on from the last. No matter how hard it is, you must commit yourself to moving forward. It takes time to work through lingering attachments. Be patient with yourself. There is nothing wrong with being single or enjoying a causal relationship in the meantime. However, deal with these situations with integrity. Be open about your feelings, what you are looking for, and what you can give.
5. Prioritize Other Relationships
While you are in a relationship, you may have neglected other relationships. You may even forget about the others in your life while going through heartbreak. Find someone to confide in. It can be a friend or a family member who can help you tide over these difficult times. They will offer you the support you need to work through your emotions. You might even connect to their past experiences. Loved ones will offer you strength and guidance during times of healing and growth. If you have just come out of a toxic relationship, lean on your family and friends for support. If you feel better in their company, you know you can trust them to help you through this.
6. Spend Time on Yourself
Sometimes we try to change ourselves for our partner. We might make subtle or significant changes to our appearance, behaviour, etc. But this may not be who we are. There are parts of us that we deny or suppress to meet the expectations of our partner. Now it is time to let go of all that and find yourself again. Start doing things you like. This may include dressing as you like, doing a hobby you might have dropped, etc. Feel free to express your emotions. You can now bring back and nurture the parts you lost during the relationship.
7. Replace Your Thoughts
Sometimes, the simplest thing you can do is distract yourself. This world offers many options that can be used as a distraction. You can watch a movie, go to an amusement park or gallery, play a video game, make a Tik Tok trend video, etc. These activities can take up a few hours, and you won’t realize how much time has passed. You don’t necessarily have to do something productive. Find something that gives you a little bit of comfort or helps distract you. You can even cook with your friends or go on a day trip with them.
8. Give Yourself Space
This is such an important step. It may be hard to cut off communication with your ex. But, you need to. It’s easy to get trapped in emotional turmoil even with a single text or Snapchat. If you are trying to leave your feelings behind, don’t engage in activities that will rekindle those feelings in any way. Distance is your greatest friend as you try to move on. It is alright if you have important matters to discuss, such as custody over kids or something work-related. This is also a good time for both of you to find separate friend groups with whom you can spend time. If you had a healthy relationship, you might be able to share a friend’s group again one day.
9. Understand It May Take Some Time
Feelings of love do fade. But it takes time. It is possible to learn how to unlove someone with time. It is normal to feel pain during the process. Remember to be patient with yourself. Practice self-compassion. Comfort yourself as you would comfort a friend. You must accept that it is natural to go through some pain. But know that this suffering will not last forever. Loving someone who was not suitable for you hurts way more than getting over that person. It doesn’t make you foolish or flawed for having been with them, but at least now you know better. You cannot keep waiting for someone to change at the expense of our mental health.
10. Talk to a Therapist
Therapy is an excellent option for those having a difficult time living life normally or feeling confused about their emotions. If you think you are in a dark place or can’t find a way to acknowledge your feelings, therapy might be helpful. Therapy is supposed to be a safe and non-judgemental space to share your problems and find strategies for overcoming them. A therapist will teach you coping skills to manage your emotions. If you have thoughts of suicide, feel hopeless or have a persistent feeling of anxiety or depression, seek therapy right away.
11. Get a Pet
Many people choose to get a pet to help them cope with anxiety or depression. If you like pets, this might give you a chance to channel your time, energy, and feelings into taking care of another living being that you will come to love. Your pet will also love you immensely too. Pets are incredibly lovable, and you will create many happy moments with them. Moreover, they will be there during your hard times.
12. Get Active in Your Community
Another way to distract yourself and move on is by immersing yourself in your community. Participate in community events and introduce yourself to new people. You will make new friends and find purpose and fun in community projects. You will also play an active role in developing your city or municipality.
Also Read: Top 7 Disadvantages of Having Sex Everyday ~ According to Sexologist
13. Never Regret Anything
Understand your worth. You are worthy of love and support. Breaking up with someone allows you to be open to new opportunities that would be better for you. There is no point in staying with someone who will only pull you down. It’s okay to have experienced love for that person, but you must also understand that you deserve better. All of us experience ups and downs in our lives. Every relationship is a learning opportunity. It’s okay to accept the good and the bad of a relationship. Just know that better times are coming for you.
Next time you ask yourself, ‘can you ever stop loving someone’, we hope you would have moved on by using some of these tips to learn how to unlove someone.
